Friday, December 10, 2010

When the universe strikes back...

Vocabulary Time

Today's word is:

"Dope Fiend."  noun and verb.  To give back to one who has given you something.  To pay back for certain actions.  To be "Dope Fiended" means you have been on the receiving end of aforementioned payback.  aka "Karma," aka "You just got what you deserved," aka "What goes around comes around," aka "Paybacks are a bitch."  In a sentence, "That motherf*** stole my weed, so I went to his pad and Dope Fiended his ass!"

Criminals, if you find yourself in a position of getting, or having been, dope fiended, do not call the police. Get over yourself.  Do you really think we care if Ray Jay from down the street took your meth AND your money?  Hey jackelope, you just got dope fiended.  The taxpayers, (you know the people we work for) would like for us to worry about their house getting burglarized, which by the way, was probably committed by the local tweeker who was trying to score some shit to sell so he can buy your meth.


Recently, my partner Mike, and I had the pleasure of telling a certain idiot to pound sand after he got a dope fiend treatment.  About a month ago, I was dispatched to take a report from a man who had been shot with a BB gun.  My victim had been sitting on his own front porch, smoking a cigarette, when he got shot in the chest with a BB.  He looked across the street and saw a guy duck behind a patio wall right after it happened.  My victim walked across the street looking for this miscreant, who then ducked into his house.

I was so infuriated on this man's behalf.  I mean, he was on his own porch, and he was a funny old retired codger.  He was polite to me, he wanted a report taken, and was willing to give me all the details of the incident, (as opposed to a gang shooting, where no one ever sees anything).  So I took his statement and filed the report.

Two weeks later,  detectives went to the house of the possible suspect.  Turns out, my suspect had a 4th waiver.    Detectives conducted a 4th waiver search, which yielded the BB gun in question, and a cache of fake DVDs.  The DVDs were in plain view, but were the property of the suspect's roommate, who was running an illegal, but small and scrappy DVD copying business.  Many of the fake DVD stuff is connected with organized crime, but this guy was clearly small potatoes.  DVD guy was not pleased with his moronic roommate.  Funnily enough, he did not have an issue with us, "You're just doing your job," he said.

Another two weeks later, after my suspect was out on bail, he called the police because one of the other roommates allegedly threatened him with a gun and told him to leave the house.  Apparently, small potatoes DVD guy didn't like having be be detained while the police got all up in everyone's business with a 4th waiver search, due to the fact that dipshit suspect was shooting at people in the neighborhood for no good reason (there were three other cases besides mine).

I listened to his whole drama story about how DVD roommate had a gun and he was all scared and freaked out and so on.  I looked this guy in the eye and said, "Soooo, lemme get this straight, YOU are running around shooting people with your BB gun and thus being an asshole and an all around leech on society, and then your roommate shows you a gun and tells you to get the hell outta dodge, and you have the f***ing nerve to call us for help?  Give me a break man!  You had it comin'!"  His reply?  I couldn't believe it, he actually justified his actions by telling me that no one was killed.  I took a moment to lay into this guy about my victim.  Had that innocent little BB struck him a few inches higher, and in the eye, that guy would have been blind.    

Dude, you got a bloody well deserved dope fiending.